I did that recently and came upon this blog post I originally wrote on March 24, 2009 (in purple below), after Mom had been diagnosed with gallbladder cancer. She was in the hospital and going through a very rough time. We all were.
But as I read back through this, I was reminded of God's grace and mercy. Of the time he gave us together before he welcomed Mom Home. I'm so grateful for those days, those hours, those minutes. They're tucked away inside me, yet return at the oddest times. A memory of something said. Or a look Mom gave me. Or a hug. Or the last time I kissed her forehead.
All so precious. All reminders of the truth that nothing comes into my life that doesn't first filter through the loving hands of my heavenly Father.
And all reminders to keep taking life minute by minute.
March 24, 2009
I'm incredibly grateful for the prayers that have been lifted up for my mom this past week (pictured to the right with my dad). Her healing since last Thursday's surgery has been very slow, and not without its setbacks.
I hadn't been home from the hospital long last night when the phone rang. I picked up and heard my dad say, "Tam...I think Mom's dying."
You can imagine what emotions hit me in that moment. Disbelief. Fear. Denial. Anger. Helplessness. And you can guess what questions came to mind. Can I get back to the hospital in time to say goodbye? Will I see her again this side of Heaven? Have I said everything there is to say?
I had trouble understanding what Dad was saying on the phone so I asked him to pass the phone to a nurse. She got on and said that they had indeed called a code on my mom because her vitals were dropping. It wasn't cardiac arrest though. It was due to respiratory problems, along with some other issues.
Long story short, they told us they thought she'd had a stroke. So around midnight last night they did a CAT scan on her head and chest, and we waited. The chest scan was clear but the brain scan was inconclusive. It wasn't until later this morning that we learned the brain scan was negative for a stroke, which was great news! They're not completely certain what happened yet. We're thinking perhaps a combination of medicines and other factors, but may never know for sure.
I'm sitting outside of ICU right now, dad's in with mom, and minutes ago we had our first real conversation with her since before her surgery last Thursday. What a blessing that was, and how precious those moments.
As dad and I sat together as mom "drifted," I told him that I realized last night (when he called me) that there was nothing left unsaid between me and mom. Nothing that needed "fixing." In that sense, we're ready to step into eternity in regard to each other. Dad and I talked about that and about how the same is true for our relationship. We live life with everything "said" between us. That's such a blessing. [Though my husband might disagree since he has to live with me constantly making sure "everything's said." :) ]
Mom has a long road of recovery ahead and it's not going to be easy. But we're hopeful for a complete healing and for many more years here together. We're still awaiting the pathology report on the tumor, of course. That's due to come back in the next couple of days, and we're finding strength in knowing God's already waiting for us there in that moment as surely as He's with us in this one.
Back to ICU, and to hug Mom!
~Tammy
P.S. Thanks for the private congrats on From a Distance being a 2010 Christy Award finalist. My daughter is taking full credit due to her hair being used on the cover. ROFLOL!
As much as I appreciate that nomination though, what means far more to me is having heard from readers who've read From a Distance and who've said they've taken a step closer to Christ because of it.
As much as I appreciate that nomination though, what means far more to me is having heard from readers who've read From a Distance and who've said they've taken a step closer to Christ because of it.
Now that's something I'll carry with me into eternity. Thanks, friends.
And may I thank you again, today, February 11, 2014, dear friends, for still reading and for taking these journeys with me. I'm so grateful our together forever started here.
Are you good at taking life minute by minute? Not borrowing trouble from tomorrow? Mom taught me how to better do that before she stepped into eternity, but I still have my days... : )
Tammy